If you said yes, 2 months ago i would have did something brave and most likely stupid right there and then to prove you wrong.
Right now, however is a different story all together...
Right now, I'd agree with you.
Right now, I feel a certain cold run down the spine of my back every time i think of doing something related with you...
Right now, I'm just too damn scared to do anything anymore.
Because I don't want to have to go through anything of what I had to go through during the past month again. I don't want to feel so depressed I just go numb and stop functioning completely. I'm afraid of just lying down face up on my bed staring at the fan for a few hours, hoping something might just come and end it all.
I already hate myself when I'm like that, I just don't want to lose my other friends by always acting that way around them. Right now they're my only lifeline...
You cut of all connections you had with me.
I gave my best shot at trying to patch things up. My efforts were worth crap. Fair enough, you did what you think is right and I'm not exactly known for my charming and tam-ing skills.
You asked me not to assume or expect anything.
That I cannot do because its has already become a habit in my everyday life. However I've learnt to keep whatever i assume to myself and do nothing whatsoever about it to respect what you want plus to stop acting like an asshole.
So........
I created this blog to send messages to you but also more importantly to just express myself to nobody in particular... So let be my old, coward, perasan self again...
What i really wanted to say is, no matter how much i want to do differently. I'm gonna try my best to stay out of your life. The one and only reason being I truly believe that it's what you want. You put me through a very convincing experience.
Actually, what i do and don't believe doesn't really matter squat to you does it? You made it quite clear to me you wanted nothing to do with me. And the stubborn tiny little thing you are won't give in no matter what...
But by the smallest, slimmest or tiniest little chance you want to talk to me again. I'm really sorry, but you in all seriousness cannot expect me to try and talk to you again after what you did the last time i tried. Or the time before that.
So, unless you take an initiative (something i find very attractive in a girl) to show me a little more then the slightest hint... We are where we will be, till the end of time.
Because ultimately, thats how long my feelings will last for you... No matter how deep i bury it, how much i tell myself differently or how much i try to distract myself.
p/s : if you really do feel so, *sigh* i guess the only thing i can wish for is a good single life or a girl who can love a guy who loves her but also have feelings for another... Nah, i think the second one is out.... Haha. single life it is then...
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